Shelby, This is for You

You missed out tonight, you can suck it.
(love you)

Went to my first Psychology appointment today.
Officially banned my mom from coming in after anymore appointments.
Pretty much undid the happy feeling I had.
At least the content feeling I had.

Freaking psychologist invited her in, and my mom told her that I verbally abuse her that I don't contribute around the house. And that I call her names.
Way to make me sound like a brat to the psychologist, mom.
And to be honest, I don't volunteer around the house because whenever I used to, she would turn around and just redo what I did.
When I packed up my room to move here, she repacked all of the boxes.
And then the psychologist said I'm bipolar.
Based on what, you may ask?
She asked how I feel all the time.
I said some days I'm happy, some days I'm sad, sometimes I'm a little bitchy.
That doesn't mean I'm BIPOLAR. No one can feel constantly happy every single day.
I know each of you has had good days, bad days, in-between days.
I like her, but that kind of rubbed me the wrong way a bit.
And she didn't talk to me enough. She didn't get me to stay on one subject and talk about it.
Wouldn't that help more than hip-hopping through 50 different subjects?

But god I was mad at my mom. I felt attacked, like she was trying to get the psychologist to "fix me".
And THEN because I felt a bit angry and it showed on my face, she said that I REALLY show bipolar tendencies because of how quickly angry I get.
Thanks, thanks. I get attacked in my psychology session, and because that upsets me, I'm bipolar.

And right now my mom is yelling at me because I can't have a "give and take" conversation.
I tried to tell her why I couldn't, and she threw her head back and gave a big sigh.
How am I supposed to "give and take" with that? Seriously?
She says that I blame her for everything, and then she turns around and tells me everything that's wrong with me.
Sometimes I get lippy, every teenager does. I'm not some miracle case of the bitchiest teenager in the world. I'm NORMAL. But because she grew up in a different time, where NO ONE talked back, I'm an oddity.
"My other kids would NEVER talk to me like that."
Sure, back then. When you could smack them across the face if they got lippy.
You do that now, I'll call the police for assault. And trust me, I'll do it. I'm not going to be hit by anyone for anything.

So psychology visit was bust, since instead it just told me how HORRIBLE a child I am.
And then when I say I feel attacked, they both sit there and say I'm being irrational.
If you're going to indirectly attack me, and then act like you didn't, don't come in my sessions. Get your own damn appointment and vent then. My time is not for you.

Then I went home and my dad took me to Hannah Montana.
We talked in the car and he talked about how my mom needs to let me out more to see my friends.
Which is SO blanking TRUE.
I said blanking because the word on my mind is unsavory.
Seriously, I never had a childhood. I barely had a teenagerhood.
My life from 13 on has been SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL SCHOOL.
Homeschooled, no friends. College, no one my age.
It's not fair to lock me up because you think I'll be kidnapped the second I step out the door.

Anyway, we went to the movie. The guy that gave us the advanced tickets told me that he'll get me advanced tickets to see New Moon.
I was like dude, screw Drew and Shelby. You're my new best friend.
i love you drew and shelby

And to those of you that have said Drew is toxic, to be honest since this is my blog and my place to vent, you see one side of the relationship. The side that I vent about.
When we fight, half the time it's because I started it because I was in a bad mood.
Other times, it's his fault. But we've always bickered, and we've always made up 10 minutes later. That's our dynamic, and we're trying to change it, but it still works for us.

Proof that he's not a bad guy, just makes bad choices? I walked out of the theater after the movie to see Drew standing there smiling and walking over to give me a hug.
He came all the way to the theater and waited outside just to give me a hug and see me for two minutes.
So yeah, sometimes he says and does some hurtful things, but I'm guilty of that myself.
He shouldn't call me names, he's working on that. Hasn't called me one in two days.
So just give him a chance, guys. And realize that even if I'm venting about someone, that doesn't mean they're horrible. It just means you're seeing the bad side to the relationship.

And since I see him once a month, it's hard to give you the good side. But there is a good side. All day everyday we're texting, laughing, talking. Thirty minutes of that max is spent in petty fights.
Don't judge him based on these short fights that we have, judge him on the other 12 hours he spends making me smile and laugh.

After the movie we came home and I wrote 2 paragraphs for sociology. Our assignment was inequality based on race. I was supposed to write a story about a time when I experienced inequality based on my race.
I was like what the hell do I write about, I'm white.
I'm whiter than white.
My damn psychologist asked me if I ever go out in the sun.
But then it hit me. I do get discriminated against.
During the election last year, because I chose McCain, I was called racist by EVERYONE that I talked to.
Because I am white and chose not to vote for a black man, that made me a bad person.
So that's what I wrote my paper about.

So that's been my day.
AMAAAAZING.

Even the Cat is Lathargic

I'm sleepy, I'm cranky, and I want to kill ANYONE that comes near me holding ANY schoolwork.
"Can you proofread my paper?"
"BRING THAT PAPER NEAR ME, I BITE OFF YOU HAND."
I had a math test today, more History studying, another Sociology assignment, another Spanish assignment, and more Spanish online.
Screw schoolwork, screw school, screw screw screwdriver.

I'm pretty much just trying to keep myself awake now.
Should go grab a cup of coffee, but then I would have to, ya know, make the coffee.
And who has the energy for that, really?

Tomorrow I'm going to an advanced screening of the Hannah Montana movie.
Why?
Cuz I'm a masochist.
No, no.
Maybe.
No.
Someone offered to give my dad tickets, and I told Shelby I'd take her, so we're going to go.
I don't hate Hannah Montana.
But I don't exactly adore her.
The bright side is, I get to take pictures at the movie with Shelby.
*clickclick* SAY BLONDE SLUTTY TEEN IDOL

I'm also going to my first meeting with my psychologist.
I told Daniel, "Why couldn't I go to the psychologist AFTER seeing the movie? That's when I'll really need it."

At least tomorrow I'll have an interesting post, huh?
Until then, enjoy this video:

Don't Know What You Got (Til It's Gone)

My sense of taste has been gone on and off for the past two days.
I never really think about my sense of taste until I'm hungry, where it leads me to whatever it is I'm hungry for.
But when you have no sense of taste, you play a game in your mind.
"Should I eat this, even though I can't taste?"
"Should I just eat whatever, since I can't taste it anyway?"
"Should I even bother to eat?"
I pretty much have to fill my nose with nasal spray, and then drain it.
And then fill it, and then drain it.
And then I can taste for 5 minutes before it gets congested again.

Probably explains why I've finally dropped under 120.
119.2
The CDC website says this is a healthy weight for me, but I can't exactly trust that.
My mom says that if I hit 118, I have to go to a hospital, and there's no way that I want that.
But I can't stand to eat when I can't taste it. It feels like chewing cardboard.
And the ritual of draining my nose winds up with my bleeding, so I can't do it that often.

So let's recap.
I want this:
This is what I taste:
Anyone got any good remedies for congestion?
Because as appetizing as that cardboard pizza may look, it definitely does not go down smoothly.

Gotta love the blotchy skin, huh?

The Dynamics of a Promise

So, me and Drew have had an obviously rocky relationship.
As if you all couldn't tell.
A few days ago it got really bad. I was stressed and tired, so I was overreacting about everything.
But now that I'm sick, I've tried to be as mellow as I can.
Tried, okay? I'm not always the best.
Drew was supposed to come over tomorrow, but screwed that up.
He screwed it up, it's his fault.
He's already made new plans to replace ours.
Within less than 24 hours, he has replaced me.
Fine, I can deal with that. (yeah, right. I'll be holding that grudge.)
But he promised me last night that to help me feel better, he would keep me company tonight and talk to me on the phone.
PROMISED.
Physically said I PROMISE.
So then what happens tonight?

"Oh, I'm going to go play DND with my friends tonight. Sorry."
Keep in mind he's doing this tomorrow night, too.

I get angry.
How could I not get angry? This is not the first promise he's broken.
His first promise, I just said okay and let it go.
But with each promise comes a new level of anger.
So right now, I'm on promise 100 and something, so my anger level shoots through the roof the second he breaks another one.
I don't care if we aren't dating now. We're supposed to be "best friends". You don't break promises with a best friend.

What is his justification for all of this?
Promises are subject to the situation they are posed in.
Oh sure, last night tonight was free and clear. But something came up, so I couldn't do it anymore.
But this doesn't work. This is a cheap excuse and he knows it.
Here's where that works "I have to work tonight." "My grandma died." "I'm really sick."
All things you have no control over.
But you have control over whether or not you go with your friends.
When you choose those friends over me, you show me exactly where I am on your totem pole.
Hint:
I'm so sick of it, really. I'm sick of being told that promises don't have to be kept under different circumstances.
If the circumstance is something you have a choice over, it's not okay to break the promise.

Another problem that I have is whenever Drew breaks one of these promises, and I react accordingly:
He proceeds to call me any nasty thing that he think of. Today he called me bipolar.
He tells me he does this as a reaction to my anger, and that he does it because it is the only way he can "get through" to me.
I'm sorry, but I don't think the smartest way to get through to someone (which, by the way, if you break a promise, what do you even HAVE to get through to me?) is to call them nasty, childish names.

I think that he does this to make me the bad guy in his mind, and justify his actions so that he doesn't have to feel bad about it while he does it.
Since I actually have guys that read my blog (3 that I know of. If you're a guy, holla! Or I will FIND YOU.) I'd like to know your opinion on this situation.

And yes, I've heard the "get rid of him" stuff.
It's not that easy. It's actually a lot more complicated than that.
So I want some advice that I can actually use that doesn't involve getting rid of him.

What do I say when he gives me this complete bullshit excuse of "situational promises"?
What do I say when he starts to call me nasty names, or blame me for the situation?
I want to come out of this the bigger person. I want to come out knowing that I was right, or at least partially right.

And come on, I'm SICK. I'm very sick, constantly coughing, sneezing, dealing with my fever.
Which by the way, I cannot find a working thermometer. One said I was 106. The other said 97.6. Another said 98.2.
I'm pretty sure that 106 wasn't right, huh? Because if it was, I would be in the hospital right now yelling about how the spiders are crawling under my skin.

You don't treat a sick person this way, you just don't do it.

So, any advice you have would be completely appreciated and would mean a lot to me.
And you guy readers, speak up. I need some dudes in my posse.
Ex-Boyfriend Tip of the Day:
Ex-Boyfriends need to be trained, much the same as current boyfriends and new puppies. When he calls you something nasty, you zap him with a shock collar. When he does something he knows he's not supposed to, you chain him up in the backyard. And when he gets up on the furniture without asking, you hit him in the face with a newspaper.

Burning from the Pits of Hell

I have a raging fever, I'm sweating and just dying here.
Anyone have any solution to impending death?
Because that's what I feel coming.
First I cough.
Then I sweat.
Then I drop dead from some crazy African disease.

Some disease that's so crazy that the name of it is just a series of clicks.
My mom slipped me a sleeping pill so I'd go to sleep last night.
I was crying and upset because my plans with Drew had to be moved.
Again.
I see him once a month, and he can't get those plans right. It's so annoying.
How do you deal with broken plans?
I've had a lot broken plans lately, and it's so stressful to me. It makes my blood pressure go up, and I yell and let out my emotions every way that I can.
But it doesn't feel healthy. It feels really damaging for me.

Oh, I watched What Dreams May Come last night. Jesus, that movie is depressing.
It's a beautiful story, don't get me wrong. But man, everyone dies.

So anyway, since I'm sweating through my shirt and coughing onto the screen, I'm going to wrap this post up right skippy.
And I want you to know, if clickclickCLOCKclick (that's what it's called in african. I think.) kills me, then you guys can have my radio. :]
Caught myself mid-cough on accident. Awesome.
Ex-Boyfriend Tip of the Day: If you're sick, bake your ex-boyfriend cookies. And then cough all over them. And then give them to him as a friendly gesture. :]

Have you ever...

Have you ever had a really shallow thought, and then felt ashamed of yourself for thinking it?
But then, at the same time, you still agree with the thought that you've had?
I had one of those moments today.

We went in to Eyemasters because my mom needed to pick up some new glasses.
When I walked in, I instantly thought, "Do they only hire ugly people at Eyemasters?"

Sure, I felt bad about it.
But these people had a serious case of the "I don't know how to take care of myselves".
Two of them were obese, and one was wearing a horrible wig.
She may have been wearing a wig for many reasons, like cancer or such.
But she still could've had a nicer wig. It was so plastic and frizzy.

To be honest, I am not a look-obsessed person.
They were all very kind, so that's what I focused on once we started talking.
But the initial opinion that I had was not the nicest.

Does this make me a bad person? Maybe, maybe not. I don't think it does. I'm sure each one of you has had a shallow thought at some point. It's hard to avoid considering how image-concious our society is.

I didn't actually do anything else today, except lay in bed hacking my brains out with a cold.
At one point I coughed, my throat closed, and I started gagging. I fully thought I was going to throw up on myself.
Anyone know any good cough remedies? I'm so tired of coughing and coughing. It's driving me insane.

I also bought some new shorts today. I needed some shorter ones. Back when I had huge thighs (I did, because I sit down a lot), I couldn't wear shorter ones. They cut off the circulation in my legs.

So yeah, that was my day. But a coughing remedy would be greatly appreciated.

Ex-Boyfriend Tip of the Day: The best part of having an ex-boyfriend is bitching about him to your new boyfriend and watching him squirm.

I Have Found My Calling

Based on my Google Analytics results, I have determined that my blog attracts one specific set of people.
Bitter women.
Normal blog readers are not the ones I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the people that have found my blog through google searches.
Here's is how I have come to that conclusion:

That whole little "burn ex boyfriends" one has me a little concerned.
But I have come to realize my reason for blogging is to enlighten the women that have been "burned in relationships".
Of course I will continue to blog in my same format, but at the bottom of my post, under my current picture, I will give a new tip about how to deal with ex-boyfriends or relationships.
I have a blog, that qualifies me to give relationship advice.
Much of this advice will come from the different searches that come up in analytics, and others will just be random tidbits that I feel are important to a healthy relationship with ex-boyfriends.

To begin, I'm going to address a few of the questions posed in Google Analytics.

"Burn ex boyfriends" - I have come across this problem many times in the past. It is hard to properly cook an ex-boyfriend without burning him in the process. Here is the recipe for ex-boyfriend that I use:
Ingredients - One ex-boyfriend, garlic salt, barbecue sauce
Supplies - Aluminum foil, gas grill, chloroform
Instructions - Use chloroform to gather unsuspecting ex-boyfriend. Undress, marinate in barbecue sauce, and then wrap tight in aluminum foil. Put on the grill until golden-brown, unwrapping often to check. Season to taste with garlic salt. Enjoy!

"Ex boyfriend said he would call then didn't" - As I said earlier, your best solution would to be to get a new ex boyfriend. But if this is not an option, wait until this ex boyfriend gets a new girlfriend. Allow their relationship to get serious, and then show up at his house when she is the only one home. Ask where your fiance is, and why the hell she is in his house. When she becomes angry, start crying and say you 'knew this would happen again' and run off crying.

"Ugh, I hate my best friend's ex-boyfriends" - Go lesbian and convince your best friend to convert with you. That way, you never have to worry about your best friend having an ex-boyfriend again.

"What do you guys think about ex-bfs" - Thank you for asking, grasshopper. Ex-boyfriends are best kept in your closet and only let out when you need them for something. Need someone to whine to? Pull out the ex-boyfriend. Need someone to open a jar? Pull out the ex-boyfriend. Reward him with a pat on the head, and remind yourself that doing things for you is all they are good for.

Since it is April Fools, and this post is auto-posting, I'm going to give a great ex-boyfriend related prank.
Show up at your ex's door with a random kid in tow. Say "There's someone I'd like you to meet." The look on his face will leave you laughing for years to come!

I can't wait to see what pranks get pulled on me today, and to pull some pranks of my own.
Happy April Fools!