And my boyfriend thinks I'M obsessed?

Alrighty, so I'm guessing by now you guys know that I enjoy twilight (omgtwilightilovetwilightahhhhhh).
Well my boyfriend seems to think I'm obsessed, but to be honest A) I could be addicted to worse things and B) I don't go to events just trying to touch Robert Pattinson.
Probably because there are never any here.
BUT I STILL DON'T DO IT.
Ignore the doofy smile on my face and my bright red skin. I have a fever today. Ugh. The picture gets the point across. LOOK A TWILIGHT POSTER.

I went online to Sam's Club's website to see how much their "4 Tickets to the LA Premiere of Twilight" were... NINE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.
AND THEY'RE SOLD.
Crazy Crazy Crazy
Seriously, what kind of person has nine thousand dollars to shell out for something like that?
I could buy a million copies of the movie with that. I could rent my own theatre for a showing and still have a lot of money leftover. I could buy a CAR (sweet jesus I want a car.)

What I really want is my mom's car. She said she'd give it to me, and then reneged on the deal. I was so peeved I pouted for 5 whole minutes.
People keep telling me to get a muscle car, but do I seriously seem like a muscle-car type of person?

What I really want is something small, but still an SUV. Or not an SUV. I don't know. Like a Honda CRV. They're cute, but still big enough that in a crash I stand a chance.

Oh, and I need to ask you guys something. When you leave a comment on my blog and I want to reply to it, how would each of you personally like me to respond? I want to make sure! Or what is the "proper" way to respond?

Anyway, I'll probably post again later. Now I need to go take a shower. Have a fun afternoon!

For the first time in my life...

I gave myself a nose bleed. I was laying here FINALLY about to go to sleep (I hadn't even thought about my fear for a couple of hours!) and then I just HAD to scratch my itchy nose. Next thing I know I see the blood and am flipping out. Most people got nose bleeds as kids, at least one, but I had never had one before.
Of course I knew they existed, but I mean jeese! I never realized there was so much blood in someone's nose.

The sad part is that since my mind clicked into overdrive when all of this happened, my fear came back and once again I am up in the wee hours of the morning blogging to keep my mind off of the scary crap that plagues my mind.
I mean honestly, it is unhealthy to think about death as much as I do. I'm not even old enough to SMOKE. (SMOKING IS BAD. AND SO IS LITTERING. DON'T MAKE ME TELL THE CRYING INDIAN.)
To be honest I can sit here and tell myself 50 bajillion times that I believe in God, I believe in heaven, but then SOMEONE comes along and puts a doubt into my head and tailspins me again. (The last time it was my own church. 7 days of "Is there a heaven?" at camp this summer. Boy was that healthy for my mind. =/)
And then I stop thinking about my own mortality and start thinking about the people around me, and a whole 'nother panic attack happens. I think my world lit class is what has re-awakened my fear. Looking back at the Enlightenment period and others, where God wasn't believed to have existed, freaked me the frick out. And I have to listen to my teacher talk about it for an hour and a half. Ugh! I love my teacher, don't get me wrong, but talk about something a little less bleak!

Eventually I'll either get over it (I went 6 whole months without thinking about it this past year, so that was good), or I'll get some help from a professional.
Although I just stumbled across a site that gave me a smile, so that's a start. Does God Exist?

Yeah, this post is a bummer. I apologize for that. I swear on my pigtails (once I start wearing pigtails) that most of my posts will be cheery. Sometimes it's just helpful to let out your emotions or you wind up naked in a frozen yogurt shop yelling about how no one understands you. True story. I have an idea... I'll change the subject really fast. LOOK! OVER THERE! A DISTRACTION!

What are some things that have happened to most people that have never happened to you? I can think of a few for me...
I've never broken/sprained anything. *knocks on wood* I've never had a RANDOM nose bleed. I don't think this one counts! It was self-inflicted! I've never done drugs... not saying a lot of you guys ever have. If any. But that's something I've never done. I've never talked to my birth mother. I've never gotten to paint my room/have my room painted (ugh white walls. insanitarium much?) I've never been to prom, and never will. What are some of the things that you have never done, whether good or bad, that others your age usually have?Still say that nose bleed doesn't count.

New Semester, New things that I really don't need to learn

So the school year is winding down, which means I need to choose my classes for the spring semester. Apparently I already took all of the English classes that I need for my associate's, so now I'm stuck with the classes that make me want to cry.
Here's my current schedule:
Math
World Literature
Communications
Rock and Roll History

Besides math, I love my classes.
Here's what my next semester looks like:
Math
Environmental Sciences
Spanish
United States History

All crap that has nothing to do with English, and I hate that. Especially Spanish. I never really wanted to learn Spanish, and now that I have to it's extremely irritating. But to get my degree I have no real choice. I'm hoping to become and English major at UNLV.

My reasoning for becoming an English major is pretty simple. My mother is a screen writer, and worked on stuff like Fantasy Island and Dukes of Hazzard, and my dad works for the Las Vegas Sun as the entertainment writer.
Being surrounded by writing my whole life kind of inspired me to write, but since both of my parents are writers, that makes me an... editor! I prefer editing to writing. I love correcting mistakes in my papers and in other papers. But since newspapers are becoming less and less popular (THANKS FOR PUTTING MY DAD OUT OF A JOB), I'd have to go into online editing. I suppose it would be easier, but I always dreamed of working for a paper like my dad.

For the rest of my day I'm planning on laying around, texting my boyfriend (hopefully, *stress sigh*), watching re-runs of Dr. 90210, and wearing my face mask (yeah, yeah I'm addicted).

Before:After:Anyway, I'll be adding a new Song of the Week soon, and my offer is still open to make some layouts/graphics for people. I can even just edit your pics if you want. I have a lot of spare time on my hands, as made evident by all of these posts.

I think I'll work on a family tree tomorrow. Really, once I start explaining my family you will definitely scratch your head and go, what?

Just a reminder, check out Wendy's Blog for her 100th post watch giveaway!

Have a great day everyone. [:

Code words and other things

So I've begun to notice that whenever a guy says something, it's not what they actually mean. Like when a guy says "Maybe we can do that", he really means "No, I don't feel like it."
Or "I'm probably doing ______ today", which means "I'm doing this today and you can't talk me out of it."
At times it gets to be EXTREMELY frustrating, because when you finally start to memorize what each word means, it gets flip-flopped just to screw with you. So probably is maybe, and maybe is probably. Ugh, I don't think I'll ever get it straight.

It's kind of ironic, because guys always say that girls are so complicated to understand. At times I think I'm pretty simple to understand, since I ask for what I want straight out. (Doesn't help in the long run anyway).

I still couldn't sleep again last night. I stayed up until 4. I watched Superbad at 12 to try and make me tired, but that did absolutely nothing. Except I learned that at 12 at night, Superbad really isn't funny. I really hope I'm not in the pre-stages of insomnia or something.
I started reading the second book in the Twilight series again. Why? I hate that book with a passion. I have never read it all the way through. I read the beginning and the end and that's it. They took Edward out of the middle, and without Edward I don't give two hoots in a basket about what goes on.

Since I finished my paper yesterday (woo!) and have no school today, I think I might take a nice bath and paint my nails. My toe nails look like a hazard zone. I walk around barefoot and flip-floppified all the time, so my nails hit pavement, rocks, etc. So my nails are dirty, chipped, and just plain disgusting. Luckily my fingernails are just short (except my cuticles. yeesh they are bad).
Woo short nails!

Alrighty, so a couple people on msn and WENDY (god you're such a pain. KIDDING!) have asked for the sizing to use on the backgrounds that I make. So here I have made a basic template. Just change the colors to whatever you want!
http://tinyurl.com/6r7alc

Anyway, I'll probably be back later to blog more when I have some interesting things going on. Until then, have a great morning/afternoon!

These are a few of my favorite things - Updated...

I thought for tonight to keep my mind off of recent stress, I'd write out a list of my favorite things, along with my reason for them being my favorite. It's not as easy as it sounds when you really start working on it!

My Favorite...
Color - Purple... it can portray so many different emotions. Dark purple, sadness. Light purple, cheeriness (especially during easter!)

Sound - Gentle wind chimes. It's a really calming sound, especially when I'm stressed out, which seems to be a lot of the time. Sometimes I just sit in my backyard when the wind is blowing and listen to the chimes and clear my mind. I'm DYING for one of these personal indoor wind chime fountains.


Word - I have a few actually. Any word that sounds funny, usually they are something like Jello. Jam... apparently things with that sort of consistency. There are some words that just flow off of the tongue, and those are my favorite type of word. If you have to second-guess yourself saying it, it's no fun!

Movie - Well, right now my favorite movie is... Across the Universe or A Cinderella Story (yeah, yeah, yeah. it's my feel-good movie. so sue me.) But I'm pretty sure in about 10 days it will be Twilight. I already pre-ordered my tickets! Joy!
Television Show - This is a very, very tough one. For one thing, there's a lot of crap on television. Weeding through it all to find something worthwhile can be a very tedious task. As I said a couple posts back, I love Pushing Daisies, but it comes on at the same time as America's Next Top Model. I'm so addicted to that show, if I miss it I freak out. I couldn't care less about the model drama, but I love the photo-shoots and the final pictures. So I'd have to say it's a toss-up between Project Runway, America's Next Top Model, and Pushing Daisies (which may be canceled soon, no!!!)

Video Game - Hmm... I haven't been playing video games as much lately. Probably because my wii gets the most use when my boyfriend comes over. He loves playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl and Star Wars: The Force Unleashed with me. Don't get me wrong, I play by myself, but I go through phases. Now is my internet phase, eventually I gradually move back into console games. So for now I'd have to say Super Smash Bros., since I know how much he loves playing it with me, which makes me love it.

Flower - I've always said lillies, but to be honest I don't care what flower someone hands me, just as long as it's a flower. But apparently scientists have discovered a way to genetically breed blue roses... so maybe if I get a bouquet of those one day, I'll have a new permanent favorite. (Note to boyfriend: If you read this, I WANT FLOWERS)
I kid. I kid.
Bird - The European Bee-Eater. Why? I hate bees. Kidding. Well, kind of kidding. I do hate bees, but when I read about the European Bee-Eater in National Geographic, I was intrigued. They're beautiful creatures, and if you saw the images in the magazine you'd understand why I love them. Sadly they continue to be killed off by bee-keepers that find them as a nuisance, but not everyone can find the beauty in them that I do.
Place to spend my day - Haha, depends on the day to be honest. Usually on days that I'm at school I love to be over at walmart/gamestop. We just chill out over there and it's a lot of fun. Being with my friends or my boyfriend, no matter where it is, is probably my favorite alltime place. Unless we're in a dungeon about to die. Then it would end up being "God I wish I was at Gamestop right now."

Place to vacation - I don't vacation that often. Usually we end up going to Tennessee where we can see all of our family. I love being around my family. They're so quirky and southern and just crazy. That reminds me, I should do a family tree soon. To be honest if I told you about my family without including a tree, you'd go "What!? THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE! INCEST INCEST!!!!" No, there's no incest. Titles are just flip-flopped and it's crazy. Hmm... flip-flops. I love the beach, oh I just remembered my favorite place to vacation. I go to church camp every summer. Get to spend a week with my friends in the wilderness, beautiful cabins and beautiful scenery.
Song - Death Cab For Cutie - I Will Follow You Into The Dark. I love that song, it's a soft song and it has a very deep meaning to it. Basically no matter where you end up in the afterlife, I will be there with you. Even if it is a dark void.

Book - TWILIGHT. I won't bore you with this. I love Twilight. I love Edward... I have a brilliant idea. Create an Edward workshop for us to send our boyfriends/husbands to. Skip the creepy stalky stuff, keep the cordial, loving, devoted goodness. Now for a book that is non-twilight related, I enjoyed The Lovely Bones, and there are a few others. I'll save them for book of the week though. Don't want to spoil it. (:

Clothing Brand/Store - Forget brands. I wear what fits. Right now I'm wearing hand-me-downs from my elderly neighbor and I don't care. They're warm and it's cold outside. And I just realized I'm wearing two pairs of sweatpants. Seriously, it's cold.
Hobby - Crocheting. I crocheted a scarf for my boyfriend. I wish I hadn't given it to him. IT'S COLD AND I WANT TO WEAR IT. Doesn't it look good though? I'd never made a scarf before. It's so long too. I walked around for like a week wearing it just because it felt so warm. If you couldn't tell, I like warmth.

Food - Depends on the day and what I'm in the mood for. I love orange chicken with sweet and sour pork and half chow mein/half fried rice. When I'm at a fast food restaurant, a burger always hits the spot. And at Olive Garden? RAVIOLI DE PORTEBELLO. Try it. You'll LOVE IT. Only if you like mushrooms, though. When I'm at home a good sandwich always satisfies me.

Emoticon - My favorite face to use while I'm on MSN or texting has to be either D: or :]/:[

Memory - My favorite memory... well there's a few. The day my boyfriend asked me out, the day I finished my first bowl of soup all by myself, a lot of memories from church camp. It's so hard to really single out one favorite memory. I like a lot of the memories from when I worked at a preschool for two years. They all called me "Ms. Lee". It was cute when one Christmas a little girl got me a present, when usually only the teachers got them. It really made me feel important. It was a jewelry box, and it holds all of my nice jewelry on top of my desk.

What else do I love? Well I can list a few things that don't conform to the whole "list" variety. The feeling that you have when you've woken up earlier in the morning and you're just drifting back to sleep and your bed is already warm and snug. The feeling of a kiss on your forehead when you have a fever just because. The smell of the ocean on a rainy day. The way my skin looks when it's actually clear for a change (to give you a hint, I have cystic acne and now scarring, so it'll be a long while before it is clear). The random text message from someone just to let you know they were thinking of you. The sudden rush of emotion you feel when you're having an argument and then, instead of fighting, the other person apologizes and tells you they were wrong. The feeling after a long day of wearing makeup, right after you take it off and just let your skin breathe. And the cool side of a pillow on a hot summer's night.

I hope you guys enjoyed my list, and maybe remembered a few of your favorite things in the process.

Just a quick note, while this is a list of my favorite things, I know that some people's favorite things are free stuff. So you can head on over to Wendy's Blog for a chance at an awesome watch set. Cool Wendy!

Well this post took a dark turn didn't it?

So today is Monday. Big woo. Usually people my age are in school on Mondays (except today I found out because of staff development day), but usually I am sitting here, contemplating whether I should jump on the treadmill, surfing around looking for something to do.
Last night I couldn't really sleep well because my irrational fear of death came back to... scare me to death? Bad pun, I know.
I've kind of suffered from this irrational fear for months. There was a period of time when I would lay on the couch crying and couldn't do anything else. It doesn't help that I suffered from depression for a long time, and that instead of trying to quench my fear my church kind of deepened it and gave it a sharper edge.
I've done everything I could think of the remove the fear, but the only thing that has actually stood out and WORKED is repeating this mantra that I made for myself - "Don't live life in fear of death. Live life in spite of it."
Hopefully one day I'll be able to get through a long period of time without thinking about it, until then I just have to keep repeating my words of assurance.

Anyway, on a lighter note, my mom came in with an issue of Cosmogirl... I really don't like this cover.
I can't really figure out what I don't like. Maybe I've just never really liked Scarlett Johan... *spell checks* Johansson. Just looking at this cover makes me think "If I'd been in the store, I wouldn't have bought this myself." Plus I'm so sick of politics right now that if I see one more article about anything voting related I will strangle someone. Like literally walk up to someone, preferably somebody like Andy Dick or that one guy with chiclet teeth, and just strangle them. And keep strangling until whatever says "vote" on it is removed from my sight.
I couldn't even vote in this election, but to be honest that's a good thing. I very possibly wouldn't have. So many political campaigns were shoved down our throats that the last thing I wanted to do was support anyone.

Anyway, I should probably start writing another paragraph of my paper. It's not due until december, and I'm a whiz at cranking out papers, so there's no need to rush.

Thought I'd throw this out there: If anyone wants me to make a banner/background/some kind of graphic for their blog, website, etc. I'll be happy to. I like having things to make so that I can kill time. Just keep in mind I can find pictures, I can find brushes, but I can't draw. Well, I can. If you think this is art:
If you like that sorta thing, I can crank those out all day for you baby.
Anyway, thanks for reading!! Hope your day is less term-paper filled than mine.

Per request...

I couldn't find the before photos of the previously posted edits, but I did rummage through my older pictures and found a few that I've turned into before and after shots. The last is just a black and white edit, but I still love the picture.
Hope you like them, I'll start doing more current ones soon.