My Realization

I've realized now, after taking this break over the weekend, that my blog has become less a place for me to enjoy myself, and more a place that I feel obligated to maintain.

Blogs shouldn't be popularity contests.

I was always trying for the most comments. If I didn't crack 10, I was disappointed.

Sometimes I would even delete a post if it didn't get much attention.
I would come home at night, exhausted, wanting to just lay down and not do anything. I work, go to school, work my second job (as webmaster), deal with friends, boyfriends, family, exercise.
So even when I just wanted to lay down, I felt obligated to sign on and write something.

It shouldn't be like that. I shouldn't feel forced into posting.
This all came to after the freedom I felt this weekend. I wasn't obligated. I was nothing. I did what I wanted. I barely ever touched the computer. I actually didn't touch my computer at all for 2 days.

What did I do? I read. I wrote up a list of books that I wanted to read. I went to the library. I went to shows. I went on a great date with my boyfriend, complete with dinner, bowling and an arcade.

I watched movies. I talked to friends. I took pictures. I took BUBBLE BATHS.

I really, finally, paid attention to life. My eyes weren't glued to the computer screen.

So from now on, I'll post when I feel like it. But I won't post every single day, unless I feel like doing it. I'll comment on blogs, but if the post doesn't interest me, I might not. I'm not going to wear myself out sorting through 100 blogs. Some nights I sit here for hours commenting, and for what? 10 people commenting me.
It doesn't add up, and it doesn't matter to me anymore.

Now my posts will be relevant. They'll have more substance. Why? Because it won't be something crammed together in 10 minutes.

This weekend was my awakening. And it all started with these:My boyfriend took time out of his life to appreciate me, to send me beautiful flowers.
So I need to do the same for myself. I need to stop being consumed in the electronic universe, and start really appreciating myself and the world around me.

Read more books, talk to more people. Go out more, do more things.

So honestly, my blog will be my place. When I feel I have something to say, I will say it. If you have something to say that I actually care about, I'll let you know.

But this will not run my world anymore.

Real life will.