Tuesday, December 30, 2008

An Award? For me? Aw shucks.

Okay usually I don't do awards since I'm lazy. (That doesn't mean stop giving them to me; it makes me feel special)
But I have to do this one because Stesha told me she'd waddle down here and take away my games if I didn't.
And we just can't have that, because then I'd go into game withdrawal, some things would be said that I wouldn't mean, and you guys would wind up crying and telling me that I'm a different person than I used to be.

Okiedoodle, here goes nothing.
The 2009 New Year's Spirit Award!
And here's the rules:

1. You must be a true lover of the New Year to receive this award. The person to whom you give the award must also be in love with the New Year.
2. List 5 things that you love about the New Year. If you can't limit it to 5 things, then keep going till you run out of space.
3. Pass the award along to as many people as you like. That can be 1 or 50. It's up to you! But keep the New Year cheer going.
4. Let your recipients know that you have tagged them by leaving a comment on their site. Also, link back to the person who gave you the award.

And here's what I love about the New Year:
1. No matter what went wrong in the past year, you can start fresh and strive to make things different in the New Year.

2. I always love the feeling that you get when you wake up on January 1st. It's this odd peacefulness that only comes once a year. Like you know you made it another year, and you're proud of yourself. Next thing you know it's 2010 and you get to have that feeling all over again.

3. This is more about the actual holiday, but shoe on you if you're going to make fun of me for it.
Fireworks! I live in Vegas, so we get the hardcore fireworks show. Every casino blows up some massive sparkly bombs, and it is awesome every time. We usually go up to some sort of hill and look down on the whole city to watch.

4. Getting the chance to meet new people and accomplish new things, because you aren't going through the end of the year slump. You guys know what I mean. "Ugh, it's November. I don't care right now I'm tired."
It's almost like someone puts new batteries in you. "January?! Oh boy let's go ice skating!!"

5. And finally, it's hard to have a bad day when you're at a party with a bunch of people drunk off their asses on champagne blowing into those party horn things. That truly is a great time.
Unless you start giving them those party poppers. Then someone will likely put an eye out.
That's why my Uncle Bob wears an eyepatch now.

Fine, you caught me. I don't have an Uncle Bob.

My decision is to pass this on to those of you that love New Years. Why? Because honestly I can't just pick 10 people, because I love you all.
And that's a lot of work since I'm sitting here in a towel turban trying to get ready to go to the park with Joe and Shelby.

I don't even know what there is to do at the park. Sit and admire the trees? Woo!
I'll probably end up at the restaurants across the street pigging out on junk food. Lord knows I need to put on some weight.

I love you guys, and I'll try to take pictures at the park and give you a riveting next entry!

If I don't, please don't let Stesha take away my games. I'm begging you.

Joe isn't answering his phone.
Looks like I'm not going anywhere today.

Monday, December 29, 2008


I weigh 123 now.
And that's WITH clothes on.
How? I have no idea.
This whole week I haven't exercised and I've eaten Christmas candy. And yet I still managed to drop another two pounds.
Some people would consider it a good thing, but I don't. At this point any other weight lost is overkill.When my BMI was 18.5 I was like okay... I can deal with that. But 18.2 is way too low for my body. And at this rate I feel like I'll be losing more weight, so if my BMI dips below 18 I'll probably have to talk to my doctor.
I remember when my BMI was 20. Those were good times.

It's kind of funny. For the longest time after I got up to 142 pounds I thought there was no WAY I'd ever get down to 125. That was the thinnest I ever was in my teenage years, and so I set that as my goal. And now the pounds just keep ticking away. Since I still have fat in certain places (freaking love handles, I HATE that.) I'm content that I'm not wasting away. But when my love handles are gone and my legs are twigs I'll probably be cussing myself.
It's not like I don't eat. Yesterday I had pasta for lunch, and then a chicken parmesan sandwich for dinner. (Who would've thought sandwiches from dominoes would taste so good?)

Oh, and Joe did come over. I find it ironic that the king of blowing people off made it over here in record time.
But I guess that's also because I'm not the crazy *text every 5 seconds until he's here* type of person anymore. I just kind of went with the flow. Told him I was home, told him I'd see him when he got here, and then after an hour sent one message and then I was done.
My hope in humanity has been restored.

I still haven't heard from Sandy though. Maybe she's trapped in some kind of time continuum somewhere?

I played Left 4 Dead yesterday. It's actually not too terrifyingly scary during the day time. I absolutely refused to play it later that night though. Drew was like "Left 4 Dead?" and I was like "Over my dead body."
Which would've happened a lot in that game, because I would've been flailing around so much my character would've gotten eaten by the hordes of zombies.
There's one zombie called a boomer that vomits on you. Which is baaaad. If a boomer vomits on you, all the other zombies are attracted towards the scent and just completely freak out on you.
At one point when I was playing with Joe we were standing in the street and there were no zombies, and then a boomer snuck up behind me and vomited on me. All of a sudden 50 zombies came running out of nowhere.
That was intense.

Oh, and there was a warning on the screen "Certain cars set off alarms" etc. etc.
So Joe decides "I'll shoot this car right here."
He does, alarm goes off, swarm of zombies. Learned that lesson pretty fast kids - don't shoot cars. Dead people will run at you.

I realized just how girly of a gamer I am while I was playing. *Zombies comes running at me* "AHHHH OMG *shoots widely in every direction*"
But at least I have the balls to play. Most girls don't like playing games like that. I said MOST girls. Not ALL girls.
They just can't appreciate the intensive planning that goes into zombie hunting. You have to be real quiet and real precise to blow their heads off.
I had a shotgun. So they would come running at me and I'd BLAM and then their head would explode.
Here, in return for the gorey details of my game, I give you... cheesy grin.
Does that make up for it? No? Too bad. That's all you're getting. I put a lot of time and effort into figuring out how to take that picture without a timer.

I also played a little bit of fable, but not very much. I was too enthralled with the movies that I watched with Joe. We watched Minority Report and Charlie's Angels.
I really like Minority Report. I always have, and that's why I suggested we watch it.

-----I interrupt this blog to bring you an important message-----
Okay I'm off and on watching my digital photo frame on my desk and I want to share with you a picture that makes me laugh every time.Rear-ends! I'm the second from the left. Everyone else was digging for rocks to throw and skip on the water. But I look all tranquil and cute just standing there.
-----Back to our regularly scheduled programming-----
I need to take a shower before my mom gets home, and Drew wants to play Left 4 Dead, so I gotta skeedaddle.
I'll see ya'll on the flip side, peace out homies.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Too Much Xbox

Okay, so I spent all day playing Fable II on my xbox.
But I'm kind of peeved right now.
My friend Sandy came over this morning to ask if I wanted to hang out tonight.
And it's tonight... but where is she?
Who even knows at this point? I've sort of taken my hope from that escapade and added it to my venture for tomorrow.
An old guy friend of mine asked me if I wanted to hang out tomorrow, and I said yes. I haven't seen him in like a year. But he's always been extremely flaky, so I'm adding my hope from tonight into my hope for tomorrow pile.
And then if that plan gets screwed, I'll get to see my other friends on Monday.
And if that gets messed up I'll curl up in the fetal position and cry a lot.

Not really. I'll probably just add that hope to the "see drew in January" pile.

It feels like my plans always get messed up, and it's starting to get on my nerves. No matter how hard I try to plan things and get them done in a fashionable manner, other people screw it up.
But whatever. Hopefully Joe doesn't blow me off tomorrow. I wouldn't cry about it if he did though.

I played a lot of Xbox today. But only Fable II. I married a guy, had a baby named Gregory.
Then married another guy.
Then married a chick.
I dunno. I felt like it. But then they all discovered each other and got mad at me.

I'll start playing Left 4 Dead tomorrow. But I'm scared of it. Zombies freak me out. Don't even ask why I got the game. It was mostly peer pressure I guess. But I'll play it. Even though it'll make me cry.
I mean look at this.That's the reason I'm not playing it tonight. Because that guy would make me pee myself. And I really don't want to pee myself.
I'm lucky I can play Fable at all actually. It kept freezing when I tried to play, and so we took the Xbox back.
Bestbuy happily replaced it. No fight or anything. Made me really happy.

And now it's working just fine.
So anyway, I'm really tired and my head hurts. It's been like that all night.
My posts have been short lately, but that'll change when I have more to talk about.

I miss you guys, and I love you and yadayadayada!

A Brief Post

I'm being rushed off by my friend to go turn on my xbox because he has to teach me how to play on Live.
But I thought I'd say that probably later tonight I'll be coming back with a longer post. I wanted you to know I haven't deserted you! I've just been somewhat preoccupied.
I love you all! Be back tonight.
Don't judge me too hard. But xbox is like a sexbox.
It's just that awesome.

Well technically I'm a virgin, but I'll take television's word for it.
It's just that awesome.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Okay, now for a REAL post.

Yeah yeah, two posts in a day. I don't care.
My past two posts have been kind of half-arsed.
Anyway, my Christmas was great. I showed you my new Xbox and my beautiful Ipod.

I love this dang thing. I've been playing with it all day. I can't play Xbox until I get my Fable II cd replaced.
I downloaded some applications after I plugged it into the internet and had fun all day.
First there's a scribble pad that works like an etch-a-sketch.
Then there's a virtual zippo lighter.

Now I know that this Ipod is awesome, but let me show you the best present I got out of all of them.My pink aviator shades.
Sure, you could say "those are just some rockin' as hell sunglasses." But they're much more than that.
They are AWESOME. They make me look hot. Yeah, you know you want a piece when you look at that picture. Those glasses make me exude a new sexiness.
Plus they're pink. Who else has pink aviators?
No one, that's who.
So I have a pink phone with a pink wallpaper and pink sunglasses.

Oh god I'm barbie.
Whatever, everyone loves barbie.

I blame my mom. She bought everything pink. Now I'm going into my pink phase. This worries me.
Please, someone save me. I can't turn into a barbie...

How was your Christmas? What did you get/get your kids?

My mom did something nice. She went back to best buy when she heard she could get a free ipod shuffle and gave it to a kid that wasn't getting anything for christmas. Probably made his year.
It's always better to give than to receive.
Except when you receive an Ipod.
Because that just rocks.


I am seething right now.
As if that wasn't enough, IPOD!
I'm so freaking excited. I didn't get Halo, but that's fine because I'm going to buy it with the other cash I have. I have 120 dollars to use on games, so I can get two more games.
I'm so happy that I'm actually shaking a little bit right now.
And I got the nicest Xbox that they make.
My ex will be jealous.
I will rub it in his face.
No but I love him.
No don't suck it, that's mean.
No screw you, suck it.

I'm messing with my Ipod right now. I'm going to set the Xbox up a little later, and when I do all hell will break loose.
Because I'm EXCITED.



But on a side-note, my ipod is awesome.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

I Rarely Do Two Posts, But THIS is FREAKING AWESOME

No it's not about my xbox, and this will be a short post.

My favorite Twilight fansite, hisgoldeneyes.com, did a video for Stephenie Meyer's birthday.
Each fansite was given a character to talk about, and hisgoldeneyes was given Edward.
They asked everyone to send in submissions for the video and the best would be included.
Well guess what?
I'm the first video in the video! There's pictures and poems before me, but then my face pops up and proclaims my love for Edward.

Here's a link to the video:

Now, go back and read the post before this since that's the important one. I was just too excited not to post this! 1500 people have seen me proclaim my love already!
And the rest of the video is pretty awesome, too. :3
No one ever uses my submissions for anything!

Too Skinny?

I don't think I'm too skinny, but my mom thinks I am.
I guess it's possible. I have officially lost 17 pounds.
How did I do it? I have no clue.
I wasn't addicted to the treadmill. I would do half a mile a day.
I would still eat cookies and pig out on fast food.

I used to be 142 pounds, and now I weigh 125. I'm 5'9".
I just did my BMI and it's 18.5.
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9

Underweight = <18.5
Blah, they're just numbers. I feel healthier and I like what I see in the mirror. And I barely try to exercise now. I just maintain what needs to be maintained. But what if I am underweight? Wow, this is odd. This is the first time I've ever had to wonder if I need to put ON weight. Not take it off. I've got some before pictures, and after pictures that I took today. I drew over my hand in one of them because it looked like my shirt was up too high. It wasn't, but it's a precaution. Before:After:
So what do you think? Am I too thin?
I spent so much time trying to lose weight that I guess somewhere along the line I forgot when to stop.
Even now I want to jump on the treadmill because I ate a cookie. Freaking compulsions.

If I don't sign on tomorrow because I get an xbox or something, Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 22, 2008

An Award and Other Things

Sheri tagged me for the Honest Scrap award! No one ever tags me! It's kind of like back in school, when you're running and playing tag, but no one is chasing you. It's sad.
But I finally get my moment chasing after kids! Woo!
What does this award mean? It means – “leftovers, fragments, discarded material, and many times truth and honesty is discarded material, considered fragments and left over.” We tell it like it is and let the scraps fall where they may.

The honorees are to: a) first list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep! B) pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Blah, 10 things. Let's see what I can come up with.
1) I never, ever under any circumstances leave the house without makeup on. It's actually more of a sad thing because of my low self esteem, but it's the truth isn't it?

2) I feel like because I was adopted, the rest of my family doesn't treat me the same as everyone else. My mom thinks of me as her child, that's for sure. But at family events I'm sort of shuffled along. At one point they said "Let's get one of the siblings together!" while they were taking pictures, and put my 3 adopted siblings in the picture and left me out. That one stung.

3) I am seriously a sore loser. When I play games with anyone, I actually yell at them if they beat me more than twice. I cannot stand it. And getting slaughtered over and over again? Fagetaboutit. I'll kill you for real before you can kill me again.

4) Even though I always tell people how happy I am that I skipped highschool, the truth is that I feel like I missed out on the social experience. While on one hand I'm more mature because of it, I also have no friends my age. Literally, without exaggerating, Shelby is the only friend my age that I have. And I love her for it, and I know she's reading this so I LOVE YOU SHELBY.

5) Although I really shouldn't, I still sleep with the bear my ex gave me. It still comforts me when I can't sleep, even though he doesn't anymore. Well, sometimes he does. But he stresses me out first. But I love him. Blah, ex-boyfriends are too complicated.

6) Even though I tell people I loved loved loved The Dark Knight, I only kinda liked it. I keep wanting to take down my Joker poster, but the only reason I haven't is because there'd be a big gap on my wall. If I could I'd line all of my walls with Twilight. But that'd be a little obsessive.

7) Sometimes I feel kind of lost and without a purpose. Yeah yeah, I'm emo. Say what you want, but my life has been so jumbled that I can't help but feel that way. Most people my age have a purpose - get a job, go to school. But I have no car, job, I'm out of school longer than other kids. What do I do?

8) I blog on the toilet. You told me to be honest, so I will. What can I say? Sometimes you just have nothing to do and think "I know how to use this spare time!"

9) I dance in front of the mirror a LOT. Not just a little dancing. I put full-on routines together. You should see what I have for womanizer. I put Britney Spears to shame.

10) I think a big reason that all of my friends turned on me back at the church I used to go to was because they were jealous of me. Sounds conceited, right? But the proof is right in front of you. I'm more successful than them now than they'll be in two years. I'll be done with college at the same time as them, and they'll be older than me by a lot. That would piss off quite a few people.

Well I'm supposed to tag 7 people that I think should do this award, but I know a lot of you have already done it. (Yeah, I do read your blogs. So NEH.) So I'm tagging anyone that hasn't done it. Because it's fun. And it's a good way to kill time. I'm multitasking right now. My laptop is on my bathroom counter while I do my makeup and dance (yep, dance, told you).

I have a patch of dry skin on my forehead that's about to drive me manic. I can't cover it with makeup, obviously, because it gets scaley. I AM NOT A LIZARD.
It might be cool to be a lizard though.

Just finished my makeup. Went for the whole minimalist thing.I should probably get going before my mom comes hunting for me. We're going to the doctor and then coming home and chilling out. Some much needed down time. Score!
Ciao guys! I'll comment on everyone when I get back.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Is It Christmas Yet...? IT'S ONLY SUNDAY!? SON OF A...

Yeah, that's what I said when I woke up this morning.
The whole year always seems to fly by in a whirlwind of less important holidays (pffffft, fourth of july. instead of fireworks, give me presents). Then when that time of year finally comes around, the time of year when my stockings are filled with things I won't eat (hahaha fruit), it takes FOREVER to finally be the day.
How many days until Christmas now?
*counts on fingers*
Son of a frick, I don't think I'm counting right.
Last time I counted it was 5 days.
Now it's still 5 days.
Am I stuck in some sort of time paradox, where no matter what day it is it's 5 days until Christmas?
That'd be like my own personal hell, with Kohls being my heaven.
When I was a kid it was more like torture than it is now. Waiting and waiting with no true sense of time, wondering WHEN CAN I OPEN THOSE BOXES UNDER THE TREE?
My mom used to let me open one random gift before Christmas Eve, and for whatever reason my built in gift GPS tracker would break, and I'd pick up the worst gift under the tree.
A plastic bracelet? Really? I'm 10.
And then of course I'd find out that right next to it was a gameboy or something.

This year I have no plans to open anything early. I have a keen feeling that I won't have the piles of presents that I used to when I was a kid, and taking away from what I do have would truly be spoiling my gifts.
When it comes to Christmas, I'm truly superficial. I'd rather have a huge pile of mediocre gifts than a small pile of awesome gifts.
Except this year. I'd give back a huge pile of mediocre gifts for my one Xbox.
I had a terrifying dream last night in regards to my Xbox plight.
It was Christmas day, and I opened the box, and I had an Xbox.
Not an Xbox 360, an Xbox.
Xbox 360:
I'm betting you can guess which one is pure crap.
It's the one that looks like a cheap piece of plastic.
AKA the plain old Xbox.
You can't play the same games on it, if I recall you can't go online on it.
So pretty much it's just like the Playstation I'm trying to get rid of.
What's worse is when I turned it on, everything was pixelated and just all around crappy.
I truly hope that dream was just a nightmare and not a look into the future.
I'm supposed to be cleaning right now, but I have cramps and a bad temper. I'll clean eventually.
I should probably start by taking off my sleep mask.
Nah, that's a crazy idea. I look great with my sleep mask on.

Anyway, I leave you now with a video I found on a website I frequent.
You Twilighters will enjoy it.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Christmas Shopping and my Heartfelt Plea

I went Christmas shopping for my mom today. My dad took me and we ran by Kohls.
I love that store. I happen to be a clearance rack ravager, and they have 75% off racks all year round. (This is my heaven. When I die, I hope that heaven is like Kohls, with clearance racks everywhere and unlimited money. Then you can always feel that amazing rush that you get when you find a steal.)
So I helped my dad navigate to the store (which is amazing because I suck at directions. Although the directions consisted of turn, turn, straight for 10 minutes, turn, we're here.)
We got to the store, picked out the watch (I knew I was going to get a watch, the second gift was a surprise even to me! I love surprises! Like the one that took the cash right out of my hand! Wee!)

Here's the watch that I picked for her:
For whatever reason it looks kind of pink in the picture, but it's just gold with a crystal accent. I knew she didn't want anything fully encrusted in diamonds. She's not Beyonce.I went looking for the next gift after getting the watch that she fully knows she's receiving. "Dang I need a watch. Hmm hey look at this watch. Look it's 15 dollars. Look it's at Kohls. Hey look, watches." (They didn't have the watch she wanted. So mreh. At least that's a surprise.)

I looked all over the store. I almost settled on this fountain that they had. It was 20 dollars and had a ball that rolled around in the water that poured into the pebbles. I thought it was very pretty, but pretty just won't do for my mommy dearest. I wanted sentimental, I wanted heart-felt, and I wanted pizazz. No not pizza. I said PIZAZZ.
We walked over to the shiatsu massagers. I was so tempted. They had one running on display and all I could think was "Why? Why put me through thi... oh god it feels so good."
After choking on the 180 dollar price tag, we wandered aimlessly through Kohls avoiding the teens that were obviously showing off for whomever (it could've been me, I was the only girl around and I did look pretty damn good.)
We stumbled upon the section that was covered in animated Christmas display thingies. Animated decorations? Whatever you call them. I'll call them skews.
Because I can, that's why.
So we were looking at the skews, and I saw an adorable 50s diner themed one. I almost got it when something caught my ear.
There was music coming from behind a divider that separated the wall I was looking at with the one next to it.
I stepped behind the divider and bam, I found my perfect gift.
Sitting on the shelf placed among the many different skews was a skew that my heart fluttered for.
It is a little ice rink with magnetic ice skaters spinning and skating on the ice while music plays.
I took a picture of the box when I got home, which is why my mommy isn't allowed to read my blog until after Christmas.We have been collecting animated Christmas dec... I mean skews since I was born. Most of them have long since broken because they're old and had been packed away. So I thought it would be a sweet gesture to bring out a new one for our collection.
Butter her up for the xbox. My plan is nearly complete. MUAHAHAHA...
Crap she's gonna read that at some point.
The gift is full of love with no other meaning except that I love you and... love love lovidy love.
So those are the two presents I got for my mom for Jesusmas.
Oh, and I forgot to mention something. That ice-rink? It was 100 dollars, marked down to 30.
My love for it shot up quite a bit when I saw that.

Now that I've discussed my whole Jesusmas extravaganza, I'll begin my heartfelt plea that was earlier mentioned.
Not interested? Too bad. I'm going to lure you in with puppies.Now that I have your attentio... okay stop looking at the puppies.
Now that I (hopefully) have your attention, I have a plea for you, my bloggy-world friends.
I love each and every one of you equally. Unless you're weird. Then I don't associate myself with you.
Kidding. I love you too, weirdos.
Anyway, as you may know I have been on a conquest to become a successful blog for a while. I'm well on my way, now standing at 17 followers.
Compared to the 2 I used to have, this is great. But two nights ago, I commented on 70 blogs.
70! And that did practically bublicott.
I comment back on everyone that I follow. And I follow most people that follow me.
I am determined to get more readers, and more people to share my great wisdom with. To prove my genius, here is a more accurate depiction of my brain:So let me get to the point. I won't bore you with how smart I am.
I want more people, and I'm hoping that you guys could help me. Help me any way you can. And I'll love you for it. I still have some people I need to subscribe to, but I'm slowly getting on it.
If you help me get more readers I'll go from this:To this:
So the next time you feel as if your heart is spilling over with joy, use some of that joy to help me get people.
Cuz I deserve it.
Wasn't that a loreal phrase?
No wait, that's "Because I'm worth it."
Brain lapse my bad.
One day I want to be like Kristina. Because she's my idol.

Oh, and before I forget, the offer is still open for free layouts from me. I get bored and like to design.
Also, if you want me to subscribe to your blog and you frequent mine, let me know. I tend to lose track. Gah!

The True Meaning of Christmas

Okay, I'm sure from the title you guys are thinking "Wow, Lee's about to drop a ton of wisdom on me and blow me away. Maybe one day I can reiterate this wonderful lesson to my children and share with the world the truth that comes from Lee's ingenious mind."

Yeah, no. Don't ever tell your kids what I'm about to tell you. Because they will grow up greedy and punch old people.
I've seen it happen, no joke.
Christmas may be marketed as the birth of Jesus Christ. But we all know it's really the birth of presents.
When you hear the word Christmas, the first thing you think is "OH BOY PRESENTS! I HOPE I FINALLY GET THAT PONY I ASKED FOR!"
(hey Santa, where's my pony?)
It's the sad truth that has been spread all throughout America. It's become especially prominent in recent times.
I'll tell you why.Apple has ruined the sanctity of the Christmas season. Can you honestly say that when you see an Ipod Touch or an Iphone you don't say to yourself... "Gee, those things are nifty. I should get one of those." Here's what I think of you Apple. You damn Christmas ruiner.
Even little kids have been consumed by the evil Apple company.See? They're even beginning to morph into Ipods. These are sad times my friend. Very, very sad times.
What happened to the days of lincoln logs, or the ever popular lego? I used to build little castles out of my legos, and drive my hot wheels through the twists and turns that I would create.

I remember when I stopped believing in Saint Nicholas. It took three consecutive years, but eventually it happened. All I wanted was a Gooey Louie. What the heck in a handbasket is a gooey louie you may ask?
Well, now that I look back on it, it's a game that I should never have been interested in. But a child's mind is so easily warped by the advertisements on television.That little gem up there is Gooey Louie. You pull the boogers out of his nose, and eventually his brain pops out. Apparently I thought it was wicked awesome when I was like... 6. But now I'm looking at it going "What nutjob created this game? I mean SERIOUSLY." They must've been picking their nose while they were high and went hey... I could make a game out of this.
But for 3 years I asked for my precious Gooey Louie. And for three years he was not under the tree.
That very last year I asked santa to supply me with a photograph of him in his workshop with the elves. I wanted photographic proof that the jolly old fat man existed.
His excuse?
"Sorry, no picture. The elves are a little camera shy."
Why, mom? Why would you lie to me all these years?
Oh shoot I got off track.

Anyway, Christmas is about the presents. I became agonizingly aware of this today when I was in the car with my mom. I said "Christmas in 5 days! I get my presents!" and then I paused and went "Wait... I get my Jesus!" Nice save, right? But I got my Jesus early this year, so bring on the presents.
Originally this picture was of me with normal jesus. I changed it to buddy jesus in order to not offend people.
Although you guys never seem to get offended.
If Jesus offends you... I'm telling Jesus.
If you'd like to see the original, click here.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

A Letter to Santa

Fair warning, I have no pictures of the cookies. Why?
Because they're packed away for our own safety. I have been sustaining a healthy 129 pounds, and if those cookies are in my sight... I'll be a not so healthy 150 pounds within a week.
There's only one group of cookies that are not packed away.
It's the nasty fruitcake cookies.
Tell me, in all honesty, is fruitcake a joke? I've had a bite before. It's sticky, looks gross, smells good, but tastes... spicy? It's just not my cup of tea.I think I need to write a letter to Santa in order to reserve my place in line for an xbox.
Dear Santa Clause,
Hi, my name is Lee. You probably remember me. I'm the one that you gave socks to last year. Maybe that was an oversight, but I think I deserved more than socks.
I mean really? Socks? I never even wear socks. I wear high-heels and sandals.
I'm sure you've heard my cries out in the middle of the night... "XBOX! OH, OH XBOX! I NEED AN XBOX!" I'm sorry for that. It wasn't a concious thing. I was asleep the whole time.
Now I'm sure that you may think "Xbox? Girls don't need xboxes. They need dolls and makeup."
Well, this isn't true. I like blowing off the heads of aliens just as much as the next guy.
Infact, maybe more. Have you ever seen a girl PMSing? They're liable to really blow someone's head off. I've seen it happen before... or maybe I'm the one that did it.
Hey, he tried to take my last chocolate bar after I told him not to. You don't do that. Ever.
But I digress. I have been a great kid this year. Sure, sometimes I talked back to my mom, but who hasn't? I SAID THAT I CLEANED MY ROOM, STOP ASKING ME TO GO DO IT.
I never snuck out, I never did drugs. I got all my schoolwork done, and I got a B in algebra! (Did I forget to tell you guys that? Well... I got a B in algebra! Score!)
If you bring me an xbox, I'll be very happy. And you know what I look like when I'm happy?That's right, I look completely awesome. And I give you a thumbs up.
Now please Santa, please. Just take the time to consider this... don't I deserve an xbox just as much as anyone else? Plus I'll look GORGEOUS next to it.
I love you, Santa. But no more socks. Or I'll hunt you down.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Okay, now this is just ridiculous.

It's snowing again.
It was cool the first time, but the sheen has worn off.
Ever since Raymond spurned me and melted, I just don't care for the snow.
Sure, I could go outside and build another Raymond. Maybe even build two, and hide one in the freezer.
But what would that accomplish? Feeding my need for snowman attention cannot be healthy.
I wish they'd just have a blizzard and be done with it. This whole "snow today, none tomorrow, snow today, hey look a tornado" thing is driving me insane.
Nah. Now that'd be crazy. I'm terrified of tornadoes. One time we were on a trip to Mississippi and I had food poisoning. We stopped at a hotel, and that morning we turned the tv on and they were blaring tornado warnings. I just about soiled my pants. Told my mom we needed to get the heck out of there, whether I was keeping my food down or not.
Needless to say we got to Mississippi, but I did noooot feel well.
I actually miss the holidays back home. I'm originally from Oklahoma, but we moved out to Nevada when I was 5.
Let me back up a bit. And maybe draw a diagram.Okay, so. When I was little, I was born to Paul and Jill. Jill was a bipolar druggie/drinker who had no business having kids in the first place. Paul was just some stupid kid who knocked up Jill. But they got married, and I was brought into the world. Score!
Jerry is Paul's dad. He wasn't married to Carol at the time, but was divorced from Kay. Kay is Paul's mother. Kay is an evil person who needs to be dead. And I never, ever, ever say that about anyone.
When Jerry and Carol saw the living environment I was in, they knew that I needed to be rescued before I ended up abused like my half-siblings that Jill had already given birth to.
For 4 years they battled Jill AND Kay in court. Kay was determined to suck Carol and Jerry dry, and lied to the court in order to make them look bad. (In the end, Carol and Jerry had never lied, but Kay was caught in all of her lies.)
Eventually the case was won by Carol and Jerry, after the two had married eachother. Since then, Carol and Jerry have been mom and dad to me, and nothing else. Paul is dad, too. But usually I refer to him as "my biological dad". You may want to store that in your mind somewhere to keep you from getting confused in the future.
To get away from all of the court drama, my parents took me and moved to Nevada into a new atmosphere. During this time my mom had had breast cancer and my father had been giving blood in order to pay for the legal bills.
Since then we've moved on. I no longer have contact with Jill or Kay, but I do see Paul and talk to him.
My true family, my adopted brothers and sisters on my mom's side, all live in the south. So we go to Mississippi to visit them. Her mom is my "grandma", and my dad's mom is my... relative. Yeah, that side of my family is just a tiny bit crazy. I avoid them.
Infact, I have some stories to share. It's Christmas time, so it's always the time to share crazy family stories.

My dad Jerry's side of the family is nuts. And fat. Like, really fat. Wheelchair fat. I hope to god I never look like them. My uncle is so obese that he had to have back surgery many times. For the pain, he was prescribed a large amount of pain killers. One day, something snapped in his head. He decided the DEA was after him for drugs. One day he jumps in the car and tells Granny, my father's mom, that he's "going to find jesus". She calls the cops, and they pull him over. He lies and says he's just going to the hospital. They let him go, but follow him to make sure he's okay. He thinks they're the DEA following him, and he decides to speed 110 down the freeway. A chase begins, he hits a semi.
He's not dead, but that just shows how crazy my family is.

Anyway, enough about that. Today we went shopping for our neighbors. Every year we make cookies for the neighbors in our cove. This year we have one more set of neighbors to make them for. Last year we just put them on plates, but this year we bought some cute cookie tins. We're going to make the cookies today, since my mom's going to be out of commission next week. She had bladder surgery that was botched a few months ago. (The sling broke inside of her). The whole reason for the surgery was because she couldn't urinate. Now she can't hold it in. I hate her doctor. And I hate cancer. The chemo just destroyed her body. Her teeth all fell out, so she's been having mouth surgery. Anyway, she's having to have her bladder looked at and needs anestetia.
We're going to make cream cheese cookie things. Personally, not looking forward to those. I like bagels with cream cheese, but that's where I draw the line.
Then we're making fruitcake cookies. Again, not looking forward to them. But I'll bite the bullet and bake them because I'm a team player.
Plus I want my xbox.
Seriously.Look at how good I look next to it. We're made for eachother. Like bread and butter. Herpes and hookers. Bonnie and Clyde. Thelma and Louise.
Bad examples.

I went to the chiropractor today. My mom didn't understand what "take a picture of me being adjusted" meant. So she snapped a picture of me on the table with my ass up in the air, with no doctor in sight.
Great job following directions, mommy dearest. To make up for this blunder, I will accept one xbox.
No more, no less.
Here is said picture.I just sent that picture to my friend and he goes "Dentist"?
I said "What the hell dentist do you go to that makes you lay like that? The JAIL dentist?"

Anyway, I think I've rambled enough for one day. Right now I need to go say to my mother in a loud voice "YOU CAN PUT THE BUTTER IN THE MICROWAVE FOR 15 SECONDS TO SOFTEN IT. STOP WAITING FOR IT TO SOFTEN MANUALLY. JESUS WOMAN." again.
Because she says "You can't melt it for cookies."
It doesn't melt in 15 seconds. I made cookies 3 nights ago. I'm not an idiot.

Anyway, ciao.

Oh wait, I almost forgot. My friend told me I'm required to write an epic story including ninjas and unicorns.
One day, in a magical forest far, far away lived a princess hiding in the woods from the evil Karottella. She hid in a cabin with some dwarves, but they weren't that nice. Constantly copping a feel and what not. One day, the cabin was attacked by Karottella's evil henchmen ninjas. The princess was terrified, and the dwarves were too short and stumpy to really be any help in the situation. Suddenly, a handsome prince (who may or may not be compensating for something) rode up on a unicorn with a beautiful horn. The unicorns shanked the ninjas with said horn. While the ninjas ran away in fear, the prince rescued the princess and they now live happily ever after somewhere else. The end.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

*sigh* Single Again.

Raymond melted.
I mean, I saw it coming, but it still broke my heart. You know, you get attached to someone and just feel this connection, and then the sun comes out.
What kind of rotten luck is that?
Sure, he was kind of cold sometimes, and he didn't have the biggest personality.
And he couldn't talk because he didn't have a mouth. But it was better that way!
Isn't it always better when the woman does the talking in the relationship?

I should've named him Edward. Sure, he would've melted, but he would come back 6 months later after I jumped off a cliff and had to save him in Italy.
I've always wanted to go to Italy. It would've been a nice trip.
And see, it would be the same scenario. He would try to step out in the sun to kill himself.
So, in some sort of sense, Edward Cullen is kind of like a snowman.
Edward is cold, Raymond was cold.
To kill a snowman, you tear it apart/set it on fire or put it in the sun.
To kill Edward, you tear him apart/set him on fire or let him walk out in the sun in front of the Volturi.

I'll never forget you, Raymond. We shared a day together that was amazing, magical, and f***ing cold.

Monday, December 15, 2008

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas...

So, since I live in Las Vegas I'm used to the drab desert landscape during the holiday season.
Any other time I love the desert. It's dry, it's full of color. But then Christmas rolls around and... it's the same as it has been all year.
Until today.What... what is this cold, white stuff falling from the sky? This is mighty peculiar.
Why is it coating our front yard and making everything slippery? What is this demon magic?!It's stuck in my hair! Get it out! Get it out! Oh wait.. this must be that snow stuff that people speak of during this time of year. Odd. I've only ever seen this happen twice before... but why now?I think the snow compliments our decorations perfectly, don't you?
This is our backyard right now. When I saw this, I decided to use the opportunity to my advantage...
I made a mini snowman! With a mini-scarf, chocolate chip eyes, and twigs for hair!This is me with my new boyfriend, Raymond. Isn't he dreamy?I really like my hat, and the layer of white on the ground! And cut me some slack, I had no makeup on.
I thought I'd take this opportunity to show you our Christmas decorations. :) Tiffany's in the shot. She's a little camera whore.Here's our tree all lit up. I think it's nice looking, don't you?Here's some of our decorations on our mantle. On Christmas we're going to light the fireplace. Heck, now with the snow I think we're going to need it. I'm freaking freezing, and it's snowing harder now than it was a few hours ago!
This is our little toy wonderland. That santa at his workdesk has been with us since I was born. When you turn him on, he starts writing on his list and moving around. And the candle flickers. I love it!

I caught Tiffany staring at the snow. She's just as perplexed by it as I am.!

I'll leave you now with two pictures I took in my front yard that I think are very beautiful, at least to me.

Here's a video of what's going on outside!
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...