Friday, December 19, 2008

The True Meaning of Christmas

Okay, I'm sure from the title you guys are thinking "Wow, Lee's about to drop a ton of wisdom on me and blow me away. Maybe one day I can reiterate this wonderful lesson to my children and share with the world the truth that comes from Lee's ingenious mind."

Yeah, no. Don't ever tell your kids what I'm about to tell you. Because they will grow up greedy and punch old people.
I've seen it happen, no joke.
Christmas may be marketed as the birth of Jesus Christ. But we all know it's really the birth of presents.
When you hear the word Christmas, the first thing you think is "OH BOY PRESENTS! I HOPE I FINALLY GET THAT PONY I ASKED FOR!"
(hey Santa, where's my pony?)
It's the sad truth that has been spread all throughout America. It's become especially prominent in recent times.
Why?
I'll tell you why.Apple has ruined the sanctity of the Christmas season. Can you honestly say that when you see an Ipod Touch or an Iphone you don't say to yourself... "Gee, those things are nifty. I should get one of those." Here's what I think of you Apple. You damn Christmas ruiner.
Even little kids have been consumed by the evil Apple company.See? They're even beginning to morph into Ipods. These are sad times my friend. Very, very sad times.
What happened to the days of lincoln logs, or the ever popular lego? I used to build little castles out of my legos, and drive my hot wheels through the twists and turns that I would create.

I remember when I stopped believing in Saint Nicholas. It took three consecutive years, but eventually it happened. All I wanted was a Gooey Louie. What the heck in a handbasket is a gooey louie you may ask?
Well, now that I look back on it, it's a game that I should never have been interested in. But a child's mind is so easily warped by the advertisements on television.That little gem up there is Gooey Louie. You pull the boogers out of his nose, and eventually his brain pops out. Apparently I thought it was wicked awesome when I was like... 6. But now I'm looking at it going "What nutjob created this game? I mean SERIOUSLY." They must've been picking their nose while they were high and went hey... I could make a game out of this.
But for 3 years I asked for my precious Gooey Louie. And for three years he was not under the tree.
That very last year I asked santa to supply me with a photograph of him in his workshop with the elves. I wanted photographic proof that the jolly old fat man existed.
His excuse?
"Sorry, no picture. The elves are a little camera shy."
Bullhockey. THERE ARE NO ELVES. I KNEW IT.
Why, mom? Why would you lie to me all these years?
Oh shoot I got off track.

Anyway, Christmas is about the presents. I became agonizingly aware of this today when I was in the car with my mom. I said "Christmas in 5 days! I get my presents!" and then I paused and went "Wait... I get my Jesus!" Nice save, right? But I got my Jesus early this year, so bring on the presents.
Originally this picture was of me with normal jesus. I changed it to buddy jesus in order to not offend people.
Although you guys never seem to get offended.
If Jesus offends you... I'm telling Jesus.
If you'd like to see the original, click here.

12 comments:

Kristina P. said...

That booger game is disgusting!

So said...

Some sicko came up with that game...I bet it's the same people who made up What's in Ned's Head?

Dang Fruit. It's what started us all down the road to destruction you know.

Kelsey said...

I don't think I ever got to play that strange game. I was obsessed with playing a game that had silly putty involved in it though.

Liz said...

Never heard of that game. Sounds pretty disgusting.

Kimmy said...

Ewww...I'm glad my child doesn't know about that game :0P

Angela said...

HAHAHAHA! You crack me up girl!

I've never heard of Gooey Louie :(

Yes...Apple is taking over the world...one child at a time. NO...multiple children at a time!

You look good with buddy Jesus. I wish I could photo shop pics...but I'd probably waste too much time.

Yaya said...

Hahahaha!


...yup-the four year old and 7 year old I nanny for both asked for ipods....

sandy said...

Funny!

Caramallow said...

hey thanks for the comment, ur blog is pretty funny, i shall follow you :D
feel free to stalk my blog anytime
xx

The Acting Mom said...

Love the picture of you and Jesus.

And I have a question for you: do you feel like you are missing out on your "youth" by being in college already or are you enjoying yourself?

Cant Hardly Wait said...

i remember when i could have killed a bitch for a furby.

Wendyburd1 said...

I can't believe you used buddy Jesus from DOGMA!!! LOL! And ewww gross game to yearn for, for 3 years!!

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