Thursday, February 5, 2009

OH GOD IT BURNS - Part deux.

This time burning was actually involved.
Because Lee is an idiot.I decided that even though it's 11 at night, I wanted popcorn.
More specifically, Orville Redenbacher light butter popcorn with white cheddar seasoning.
So what did I do?
I did what any other person would do. I went into the kitchen, popped it in the microwave for 2 1/2 minutes, grabbed a soda, and went to my bedroom to chill on the computer until it was done.
Then I heard the DOOT DOOT DOOT of the microwave being finished with it's task and went to reap the rewards of my patience.
And then I experienced the realization that there was black smoke EVERYWHERE.
"WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU? -turns corner- OH MY GOD."
Yeah, that's right. I burned the hell out of my popcorn.
So much that I'm pretty sure if it'd been in there much longer, it would've been set on fire.
How did I manage to mess up such a simple task?
Well we must go back to my previous house to understand.
It had a built-in wall microwave that was low-wattage. So I had to do my popcorn for 2 1/2 minutes for it to fully pop.
Yeah, our NEW microwave is high-wattage. So it needed to be in there for ONE minute.
I wish I'd thought to get pictures. The ceiling was coated in black smoke. It was eerily pretty.
But then it started to sink and I was choking on it. So that sucked.
The saddest part of this story?
What have I learned from this?
Let the professionals handle the microwave.
"Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommy. Make me some popcorn!"
"Do it yourself."

What's even worse is that I've just realized that my skin is totally broken out.
But not like clusters of pimples.
There is one pimple on each face surface.
It's like God went "Okay... do we break out her chin, forehead, or cheeks? Ah screw it, I'm busy. Just do all of it."At least they're flat though. Higher chance of being able to cover them. It's just that I want to be able to walk out of the house without feeling like I need to conceal myself.
I saw a group of girls my age go by and jumped in the uhaul and hid in the corner until they were gone. That's how entirely ashamed of my skin I am.
I've seen girls with tiny white pimples everywhere that go out and don't conceal it. But I'm so ashamed of my own face.
I actually think I have a mild form of body dysmorphic.
Mostly in relation to my weight.
I weigh 124 right now, but constantly think I'm fat. I started crying last night because of it. Because I couldn't hold my gut in to be perfectly flat.
No matter what I've tried I haven't found a way to be happy with my self image. I hide behind video games because it's easy to "fake" pretty on there.
Guys drool over girl gamers whether they're pretty or not.
Although they tend to assume this is the average girl gamer:Even she doesn't have acne.

I hope one day I can truly love myself. But right now, kinda don't.


Wendyburd1 said...

Lee you are beautiful! Inside and out! I like the popcorn BUTTON on my microwave, that way it KNOWS it's limits, LOL.
It sounds like we need to listen to the wise words of my fave band Superchick:

"It's not like they meant to hurt me
Watching TV, checking Britney, televised, my guys
Checking out her thighs and I roll my eyes and sigh
It's not like I even need to be
competing with unreality TV, fantasy
Not for a smart girl like me
Some days it's hard to be a one girl revolution

Sometimes I have good days and it's good to be me
Sometimes I get the best of insecurity
And it's quite alright to be the one and only
But today I feel like the one and lonely

It's not that I don't know beauty is only skin deep
Just the skin I'm in, not the girl within
But one imperfection takes away my grin,
Not that I think I'm ugly, but
Acne throws me for a backslide
I won't go outside
Makeup can't hide how I feel inside
Some days it's hard to be a one girl revolution


Oh, the one and lonely
We all have bad hair days
Those nothing good about me days
Just keep moving on cause they'll be gone
And we'll still be here going on
We have our yesterdays
No lunch cause the jeans don't fit days
Just keep moving on cause they'll be gone
And we'll still be here going on

[Chorus 2:]
Sometimes I have bad days and it's hard to be me,
Sometimes I get brought down by insecurity
And I have my days where I'm the one and lonely
But today I choose to be the one and only
Yeah, I'm the one and only

Anonymous said...

Did you notice that nothing stinks worse than burnt popcorn...LOL!

I have issues with self image as well. I went in 2 years from weighing 105 to 125. I am not happy about it and even cried to my husband today when a brand new pair of jeans would barely button. I need to get out and walk but it's too cold. Girl, hang in there.... you aren't fat and you are very pretty. The skin issues will probably get better as you get older.

Anonymous said...

Awww...we all love you Lee!

I know what you mean about poor self body image. I've struggled w/ that my whole life. I always think I'm "fat" and then I'll look at old pictures of myself and be like 'I was so skinny! Why did I think I was fat then!?'. I certainly don't think you are fat, but it doesn't matter if I tell you that til I'm blue in the face, it matters how you feel about yourself.
Seriously, try yoga, makes me feel so much better about myself cuz it works the body and the mind/spirit.

And you must try Mary Kay for your face! It's THE ONLY thing that doesn't cause me to break out. I used to use Noxema, that worked well too. I also like the clean and clear stuff. I don't think neutrogena works too well bc it'll dry out some area of my face but leave others oily. I'm one of those ppl that has to religiously wash my face or I'm doomed w/ break outs. Plus, you just started school again so it makes sense to have a stress breakout. Drink/eat healthy, religiously wash your face, do yoga...yup, that's my answer!

Anonymous said...

Sorry you're feeling down about yourself. I think you are BEAUTIFUL!

Bobby G said...

JESUS LEE! What do you have to be depressed about? You're 16, life is a blast at 16! I used to have the worst acne EVER! it was awful, I finaklly had to take the worst medicine fo al time, its called accutaine! Dont take it unless your acne has no fix, but it does work after a few months of the worst side effects imaginable! 124, YOU NEED TO STOP FREAKIN OUT, YOU KNOW WHATS UGLY? SKINNY BITCHES THAT LOOK FUCKIN ANOREXIC! be happy w/ your body, its the only one you got girl!

Sheri said...

Lee, you are beautiful and totally not fat. I know that sometimes a low-self-image really blows (I have that issue too, but I do weigh more than you too). But deep down, it hurts just about everyone I think. That feeling of not being good enough. Well, I am here to tell you that you are good enough! :P

I laughed out loud for real about the video game chick reference. I sooo relate to that. It is like as soon as a guy finds out yes, I am really a girl they are all OMG A GIRL GAMER!!!! It is too funny sometimes.

Kristina P. said...

There is nothing worse than the smell of burned popcorn.

And I used to have terrible acne when I was your age. I still get breakouts here and there, but I'm so happy I don't have to deal with that again.

Cant Hardly Wait said...

I used to be just like you. Before I had James, I weighed 121 on the dot, and I always thought I was chubby. Now, I weigh 135, and I couldn't be happier. I have curves, an ass and boobs and hips!

And sorry to hear you burnt your popcorn. Maybe you should put s stickynote on the microwave door to remind you not to set the house on fire.

Erin said...

Burnt popcorn smell. Ugh.

Did you know that girls don't have flat stomachs? They have a little thing called a UTERUS that adds a tiny bit of, shall we say, fullness to their stomach area.

You are beautiful!

The Thompson's said...

Hey you, dont sweat it. YOu are BEA U TI FUL! YOur not over weight and you look great! I know you dont feel this way, but Im a guy and Im telling you like I see it and I have GREAT taste!

As for the skin thing, when my wife was closer to your age (22 actually) she had skin issues. She saw like 5 different dermatologist all who put her on some of the strongest meds out there and nothing worked. She wouldnt let me get anywhere near her face.

I saw a commercial and bought into this product. I got it for her because of the way it was designed to work with your skin and balancing it our.

She actually used it and her skin quickly became perfect. She has had NO breakouts since. I mean none!

Its called Proactiv. Might give it a shot.


KittsKrafts said...

Lee you are a beautiful girl and definitely not "fat". Curves are what makes a woman so beautiful to a guy btw. Exercise throughout your life will keep your curves firm. Your skin will likely get clearer with age. Plenty of pure water and a healthy diet goes a long way to clearer skin too. I never had too much of a problem with that but even at my age (top secret) I will break out from milk chocolate but never with dark chocolate. Sugar and dairy products seems to be a contributing factor for a lot of people.

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