Saturday, February 21, 2009


So what do you guys think of ex-boyfriends?
Today I'm in the mood to talk about my ex-boyfriends.

All two of them.

Well technically there's about... 4.
I should've done this post on valentines day. But I was sort of anti-valentines day.
Anyway, my first boyfriend was in 4th grade. His name was Kyle. He played football in the school's mini-football team.
Pretty much anyone could join. I joined all the sports teams at one point. If you stopped showing up, you weren't on the team. Simple as that.
We had a "superbowl" of the two teams that beat everyone else.
It was pretty lame now that I think about it. But back then it was the coolest thing in the world.
My "boyfriend" made it to the "superbowl". (I have a feeling I'll be using a lot of quotes in this post.)
I would cheer for him and I was all kinds of excited. But then he started spending more time with his other friends. I felt wronged.
And this was all in the course of a week, mind you.
So I dumped him. On Valentines Day. And then his friend came and yelled at me, and I made him cry by saying "What's funny is I was going to ask him to date me again but then you came over and ruined it!"
I loved making other kids cry, since everyone picked on me.
Anyway, my ex then proceeded to get a concussion a few months later and has no memory of us ever dating. Convenient, right? But I remember. I'll always remember.

My second boyfriend was at church camp. He was dating this girl named Kay (I hate that name with a passion. Remember when I did my family tree? That's why I hate that name.)
Anyway, his name was Scott. I thought he was dreamy. A few days into camp, me and Kay sort of "traded" boyfriends. Although I didn't trade anything. I was single. She went out with the fat kid named Ryan. (He was so big we called him Buddha.) And I went out with Scott.
It was fun, it was sweet. We even dated a few months after camp. Then I dumped him through instant messenger because he was never around.
Seeing a pattern here? I was a serial-dumper.
Not a cereal-dumper. That would be wasteful.

My third boyfriend was named Danny. Right now I'm slightly p.o.'d at him because I got back in touch with him a few weeks ago, then we stopped talking. Tried to get back in touch with him yesterday, sent him a nice email, he read it and didn't answer.
Did I somehow manage to insult him? Who the hell knows.
Anyway, we started dating when I was... 14. He was... 17 I think? Maybe 16. I can't keep track anymore.
To be honest I've never looked my age. I passed for 17 back then. Pass for 21 now.
At Olive Garden last night they asked if we wanted to sit at the bar since only people "21 and over" can sit there.
It was packed. Should've said yes, damnit.

ANYWAY, Danny was nice. He was cute, sweet, charming, all of those things. He was also a hardcore WoW gamer. This didn't phase me... until we started dating.
I was a WoW... well not widow. A WoW-Ex girlfriend via WoW death. I don't know.
One day I did an experiment. The infamous "I won't call you until you call me."
It took him 5 DAYS to call me. Then he goes "Why didn't you call me?"
I don't know, why didn't YOU call ME?
We dated for 3 months, and then broke up. I dumped him.
Then a week later, started dating the super-infamous boyfriend number 4.
From the moment I saw him, I wanted to be his girlfriend.
No idea why, that's just how my brain worked.
He was dating this girl named Megan from my church. She was my "best friend".
When she broke up with him, he asked me out and I asked her for permission to date him.
She happily obliged.
Of course she then took it back and told everyone I stole him. That's a different story.

We loved eachother. We always talked, texted, sent pictures. We were happy.
Then thing went downhill. We turned into that couple that fought about EVERYTHING.
We spent two years like that, always promising to change and then never doing it. We still fight now, and it's been months since we broke up.
In fact we just fought a minute ago because he didn't call at 10 like he said he would.

It's so many different levels of frustrating. Luckily, I'm still friendly with my exes. I think.
I'll know for sure if Danny answers my damn email.

But yeah, that was a nice little blueprint of my love life. Hope you enjoyed.

Grandma Update: Still in the hospital. On a respirator now. Keep praying for her.
Kush Update: Heavily medicated, still shot in the ass and arm, now making jokes about it.
I told him I think a turkey must've shot him.


sandy said...

I would have to think back pretty far to remember my ex-boyfriends. My hubby and I have been together for almost 20 years, since I was 15 years old!

Stesha said...

You have a great memory, because I can't recall that many details about my exes. I wasn't even allowed to date until high school.

I hope your grandmother gets better.

Sorry Kush was shot in the Tush:)

Hugs and Mocha,

Anonymous said...

Danny's a hottie.

I won't even begin to relive my ex's...blah.

Kristina P. said...

I have been able to remain friends with guys that I met before my husband, but no ex-boyfriend.

Bobby G said...

Thats a great idea for a post! LOL I should do it! But then again im still atleast KINDA cool with all my exes, so this might piss some bitches off! lol

Anonymous said...

Don't really think much of the people that I dated. It was too long ago and all of us have pretty much moved on.

This was a great post. It was fun reading all about your exes.

Me said...

Oh the joys of the 'Ex'. That's why they call them EX-boyfriends!

Grand Pooba said...

I think it's amazing you still talk to your xs (plural) I have never seen any of my xs again!

So wondering, who's going to be the next x for you?

Naomi said...

Danny looks yummy :P

I'm still with my first boyfriend, so no exes. :(
Is it wrong that this makes me a little sad?

Wendyburd1 said...

What a nice post!! Your latest ex is still being a turd?! I will beat him for you!!

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