Friday, May 22, 2009

Drew's Brother is an Idiot

So I thought I'd blog about this while it's happening, because it's amazingly jacked up.
Drew's on the phone with me, and he's helping to dictate what's going down.

Let me give you some back story for giggles and ... poops.
A little over a year ago, Drew's brother was expelled from his school for arson.
He sounds like a real go-getter.
Soon after, he was dragged home by police officers for being drunk and high in an abandoned house and tearing it up.
Gee, I like the way this guy thinks!
Next, he was caught out past curfew and once again the cops were involved.
Drew also found marijuana in their bedroom.
Man, this boy sure knows how to live a lawful life.

Drew's parents never really did anything about ANY of this. Amazing, right?
How could you let your child get away with this sort of thing for so long?
I'm pretty sure tonight is the breaking point, and Drew is enjoying every minute of it.
Drew has always said that Tyler is going down a bad path, and no one would listen.

Tyler came home tonight with "swine flu".
In other words, he came home drunk and needed a good drunken explanation for his incoherence.
Sure, because when I need a good cover story, my mind automatically goes to swine flu.
While slurring and stumbling, Drew's parents came down to see how their son and his "swine flu" was.
He began babbling about random things, and then puked all over himself.
Man, being a law-breaking kid sure seems like fun. I just love puking all over my clothes!
His parents took off his clothes so he couldn't puke on them, and then found a valium in his pocket.
"I didn't take it, I just sell them."
Oh good, you sell drugs too.
Hey, at least he has a career path in mind! I heard drug dealers can get "posses" in prison!
He also said that he smoked weed, and then that he didn't smoke weed, and then that he did, and then didn't, and then did, etc. etc. etc.
Gee, incoherence sure is a blast.
It's as if he never saw those posters with your brain on drugs.
With the egg.
Yeah, we all know that poster.
(I can't find it. So shush.)
Here's a replacement, to add some comic relief. (As if my sarcasm isn't enough. Drugs are fun!):This is my anti-drug poster.
This is Lee if she ever did drugs (which she hasn't):He's puking again.
How could anyone have fun puking at the rate he is?
Plus he took a pain killer someone just handed him, and he drank, and he smoked weed.
This kid's a triple threat, watch out America!

Tyler is my age, which is why I'm SO glad that I'm not dating HIM.
I mean sure, it sounds like so much fun to be cleaning up his puke and wiping the vomit off of his clothing and body, but I'll pass.

This is why I'm glad I was never in the highschool environment. While I'll be doing this:
Many of my "peers", including Tyler, will probably be doing this:
Apparently Drew's sister took a video of Tyler puking everywhere and she's sending it to me on myspace.
Why do I want to see it?
So that I know exactly why NOT to drink or do drugs.
Hell, we wouldn't want to wreck this pretty little face, would we?
So what's the lesson I've learned tonight?
A.) Swine flu is not an acceptable excuse when trying to conceal your blatant drunkenness
B.) Valium are best kept hidden
C.) If you're going to puke, try to hit a solid surface
and of course D.) Drugs are bad. Stay in school. Knowledge is power!Nothing but soda pop goes in my glass! (Unless it's a Jewish holiday... or a Tuesday. Then glug glug!)
I'm kidding!


TeeTee said...

Oh my goodness... I laughed so hard when I read this post!

Wendyburd1 said...

LOL!! I loved the drug poster!! Yeah Drew's brother sounds like a mess, and they have ignored this? Don't they love their kid??! He needs help ASAP.

Sarah said...

Yuck, yuck, yuck! This is what happens when parents think they are being "supportive" and loving "unconditonally". Tough love unconditionally is fine and sometimes works. I see kids like this all the time at work...parents think they can do no wrong. We have a kid in here now who is in here because when he went to get his thether off his parents went off on the judge and the judge had the kid brought back in here because he wants the home checked out due to his parents psychotic behavior in court! They better get hold of Tyler now before he ends up like my brother...32, living with Dad, drug charges, probation, fines, stipped pride...uggh

Anonymous said...

Lol-your pinky's not up in the last pic! Tsk tsk.

Drew's brother needs some major help. When we were teens my one brother got heavy into drugs and alcohol and my parents didn't see it at first. I think parents naively think that their children are perfect and can easily look past any faults. Well when they finally noticed they got him the help he needed. Turned out he is bipolar and was doing the drugs and alcohol to cover up because he was confused with what was going on. There's always an underlying motive to the heavy drug and alcohol use.

Erin said...

Wow, some people have a lot to learn, don't they?

Kristina P. said...

Sounds like most of the kids we work with in our Substance Abuse program.

Anonymous said...

Wow... sounds like a pretty messed up kid!

Bobby G said...

That kid has serious issues! This is gonna get worse before it is better...

owner said...

I really don't so much belong here, and my two cents aren't even worth two actual cents, but may I gently suggest that your cell phone or web camera is, uh... horrible?

I'll refrain from saying, "Hey, why so blue?"

OK. Sorry. Please continue with the punching of people in the balls.

Sheri said...

lol that was really funny.... I'm also glad you aren't dating the "lawful" brother lol I hope he gets in major trouble this time... but something tells me he probably won't get into much I mean being an arsonist and shit doesn't do it, what will?

Anonymous said...

Whoa girl, you haven't posted since Friday, what's going on??

Harvey is sad and lonely waiting for you :(

Anonymous said...

Not exactly a typical high school environment...and Drew's brother sounds like a real winner.

Kendra Logan said...

Great post :)

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